vagina is talking i cant
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
