you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
