So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
