Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
