I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
is wine microwaveable?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
