So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
