Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
