im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
