Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
