You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
