yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I looked at my own cervix.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
