I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
