I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
