Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize