any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
