I wannas sexs uuuuu
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
