I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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