Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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