we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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