I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
