It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
