I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
