One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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