So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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