Will you blow on my dice?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
