As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
