ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
