I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
