What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
