FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
