Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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