and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
