Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
