Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
