Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
