About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
