Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
