Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
