tell your sister to shave her snatch
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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