Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
