I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
