Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
