The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
