In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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