party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
