I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
