I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
