You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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