Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
