Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
