We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
